....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize