yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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