For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
