Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
