It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize