Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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