so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize