Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
