ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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