i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
