im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
