Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
