farters have to be the big spoon...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
