I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
