Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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