Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
