Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
