You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
