she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
