GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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