It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
