I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
