She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
