Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
