I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
