Umm I'm too high to move.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
