White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
