Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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