you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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