I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize