I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think I won the penis lottery.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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