fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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