I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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