i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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