Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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