and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize