She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
