True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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