Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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