Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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