I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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