If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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