peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
