The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
