they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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