I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
