Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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