What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
