im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
