I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
