guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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