When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
