i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
