how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
