i wish my penis had a tongue
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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