I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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