I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Barsexuality is the new black.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
