it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We were destined to go to rehab together
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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