we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
