the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
