Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
