my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Drake has all the answers
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
