pop tarts are not kleenex
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
