dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
