I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
