my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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