I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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