In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
