I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
