I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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