The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
