I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
