Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
